I didn't get the Rossville job. They told me that there was a really strong pool of candidates to pick from. Which means I'm competing with that same damn pool every time, and the start of the school year is less than a week away.

My mother kindly pointed out that they would take care of me. That's good. Humiliating, but good.


The problem with having depression brain is that there is always a very small part of it that goes, "Girlfriend, I know I haven't made this suggestion in a long time, but don't you think your life has very little value? Perhaps we should consider ending it."

It would be nice if I had a meaningful counterargument.

It would be nice if I had a stupid job. 

I read a post today that made me think that I might still have things to say about my life, some of them rather publicly. Rather than creating a new account somewhere, I decided that it was time to come home to livejournal, which I used for nearly a decade to catalogue my feelings, drama, experiences and thoughts. Some of those thoughts and feelings were ridiculous, some of that drama and experience was public and violent. I won't be unlocking old entries or anything, but I do think that I will use the various and well-developed privacy features to protect myself and my identity as needed.

I am a fat, feminist, introverted, progressive thinker trying to have a teaching career in a red state. I took my pro-choice magnet off my car when I moved here. I drove by a "pregnancy help center" on the way to a job interview last week, and thought "that's not an abortion clinic - there are no protesters." I don't know how to make friends. I'm not sure I want to make friends.

I've stopped watching television. I get my news from Jezebel and the Huffington Post, and most days I'd rather just not get the news, and I know how seductively dangerous that kind of hiding my head in the sand is.

Also I think you should read what seanan_mcguire has to say on Captain America's behalf. 

... about self-help: Orgasm Loop by Susan Crain Bakos (guys too).
... about math: The Drunkard's Walk by Leonard Mlodinow
... about history: Lies My Teacher Told Me by James Loewen
... about cooking: Better Homes & Gardens New Dieters Cookbook by Diane Quagliani
... about fantasy: The Magicians by Lev Grossman
... about religion: Who Wrote the Bible? by Richard Elliott Friedman
... about kids: NurtureShock by Po Bronson
... about crime & culture: Under the Banner of Heaven by Jon Krakauer
... about biology: Sex at Dawn by Christopher Ryan
... about politics: Skipping Towards Gomorrah by Dan Savage

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